poem: my sweet mon cherie

 

Rei Kurahashi “Light in the darkness”

くらはしれい「闇の中の光」

trigger warning: memento mori

At 20, big G

                  O

                        D

 

Gave me madness, =

 

22, you gave me grief,

 

lets not make them meet

 

 

void has gained several new hues, new colours and textures I never knew

 

deadbeat dad baby, I know, your ma, grandma and grandmama knew too

Ill hold you

just me and you,

 

 not that hospital, not those chairs and stares, take my glasses off, to grin and bear.

lets get some sea air

not that bed, facing the wall, an animal a punishment.

 

hallucinations like hallelujahs 

so sweet and long like sugar cane 

Always white, always purring like the sea's refrain

 

Shhhhhh shhhhh mursal

 we know

we see,

So how can I not believe?

gathered around me, candleit  lake in the dark

but here:

Knee skin stark.

Eventually Ill get warmer.

 

mark my womb the graveyard, 

line my lining with forget me nots

weeping and wailing into thin air

Who weeps back?

Where does it all go? Can’t carry all of grief,

that’s why it takes two to make a baby,

 

Can’t cope with this tragedy

Mursal you must go hospital

Say I’m irrational,

 

I cry and cry and cry and cry, tears cheap to buy

If Something just dies in me I’m hollow I scream.

 

Miscarry

Like I have missed the carriage to motherhood, left in the dust.

Well I click my heels, understand my womb to rust.

 

God gave me the cruellest heartache, most wicked heartbreak

Do I not see their teeth chatter, zip up their coats?

The little girls play my hair, like I am their mother

Or when they are distracted and need something its: “muM?” a rise in intonation, depending where they’re from.

 

 

Shall we go for a morning swim in the sea?

No daddy, just you and me.